sonata_night (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} sonata_night) wrote,@ 2007-01-03 02:56:00 |
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Title: Two Months And 21 Days
Author: Sonata Night
Rating: R
Pairing: Dee/Ryo
Summary: A series of two months and twenty one days, in which Ryo and Dee break up over time.
Notes: For Michelle. Sorry this took so long, sweetie, and I know your birthday was a while ago. My muses are really hard to prompt lately, however. Plenty of angst, but a happy ending nonetheless.
Disclaimer: Fish are friends, not food - Erhm, I mean, all of this is purely from my imagination.
Archive: If you think it's good enough, drop me a line at jiradamister@gmail.com and archive away.
"We can't do this anymore."
The words are painful to Dee's ears. The day is December 31st. Time, approximately 1:33 A.M. It is also hard for him to deal with because exactly two months and 21 days after he and Ryo had first decided to become an item, Ryo had decided that being an item was not what he wanted. It was too much stress and confusion. And it is now approximately two months and 21 days later, ironically, since that had happened.
What had happened in that three months and 21 days since they broke up was a confusing thing. They avoided each other out of the station for a grand total of two days. And then Ryo came over that third day, and it was them, and Ryo put his arms around Dee and hugged him, and said that he was sorry. Dee held him, and they both cried a little bit, because it was okay, they understood that it wasn't being weak but being strong, and Ryo told Dee that he'd never known anyone quite like him and he didn't think anyone would ever know him quite like Dee knew Ryo.
And Dee said that he loved Ryo completely, with all his heart. Ryo said he loved Dee too, and Dee whispered that maybe they loved each other in a way that was so perfect and true that it couldn't be described. Ryo concurred that it might well be that way, but it wasn't the way that it had been before, and Dee nodded.
Ryo found himself curled up, asleep, in Dee's arms before the end of the night, however.
When he woke up the next day, Dee was curled up in his arms. For as dominating as Dee was, he was the one who liked to be held at night when they went to bed. It had become a nightly ritual. After they'd made love, Ryo would wrap an arm around Dee's waist as Dee pressed his back to Ryo's chest, and turned his head back to kiss Ryo goodnight, his fingers finding Ryo's and squeezing, stroking gently. Most of the time, Ryo's cock was semi-hard again before they fell asleep, and one night, Dee had confessed his pleasure of having that half-hard cock pressed up along the crack of his ass. Ever since then, Ryo had taken care to do that.
So Ryo had woken up with Dee in his arms, but Dee was turned to face him, his arm wrapped around Ryo's stomach and face tucked against Ryo's neck. Dee only slept facing Ryo when he was lonely and needed comfort. Although he and Ryo had done plenty of cuddling and kissing in that position, when it came to sleeping, Dee enjoyed having Ryo tucked up against him, side by side. When Dee slept facing Ryo, Ryo usually lay on his back.
He could feel Dee's morning erection, not quite fully formed, pushing into his thigh lightly. His own erection was slightly more persistant but his own subsided after time. Dee's didn't. Dee woke up, yawned at Ryo, and announced he was off to shower and take care of that erection, except he used slightly more lecherous words.
When Ryo decided to stay again that night, after spending his day off with Dee being moronic and getting something to eat, and then coming back and watching TV all day, he and Dee head for the bedroom, and Dee yawned, tugged off his pants and top, and settled into bed. Ryo looked at him and Dee waited, returning the look expectantly. Ryo finally took off his pants and shirt, and got into the bed. He curled up against Dee again, and then Dee was pushing back against him, and getting cozy, but that back-thrust and friction had caused Ryo's dick to harden and Dee noticed. He reached behind to put a hard on Ryo's erection, thumb over the head clad in boxers, and run his fingers along it.
Ryo tried to ignore it but he couldn't, and then he pushed forward slightly to Dee's hand, to the warmth that it brought. Dee turned over to face him and looked at him, intense green eyes hot and wanton, and Ryo's eyes fluttered, or so Dee told him with a smirk, as Dee repeated what he'd just done with his hand moments before. Dee paused, thumbed the head, and yet again smiled at Ryo's eyelash flutter.
"How much do you want me to stop?" Dee asked, and Ryo made a tiny noise in his throat as Dee stroked harder. "On a scale of one to ten."
"About a three." Ryo panted out, and Dee slid down, tugged at his boxers, and let Ryo's cock spring free of the material.
"How much do you want my mouth around your cock right now?" Dee's tone had dropped into something seductive and Ryo's need only deepened.
"Eight."
And then Dee's mouth was around Ryo's cock, and he was thrusting up into it, while Dee did magic with his mouth, because Dee was so fucking good at blowjobs that Ryo almost preferred them to sex. When he came, Dee swallowed and came up to Ryo, and Ryo looked at him. Dee's eyes were peering at him curiously, and Ryo leaned over carefully and kissed Dee, lightly, gently. "Thank you." He whispered.
Dee nodded. "You're welcome." They didn't talk about it, and when they woke up the next morning, Dee once again slid down as Ryo woke up and began that magic with his mouth. This time, Ryo had returned the favor, although Dee wouldn't let him at first, and restricted it only to a handjob.
It had continued like that for the two months and 21 days, sex and handjobs and blowjobs, and it had been exactly like when they were dating but there was no official title of it, and when Dee said to Ryo, "We're 'dating', but we're not dating,", Ryo had looked at him and shrugged. Dee had let it pass and then gone back to sucking Ryo's dick, which was possibly his favorite thing to do, for as often as he did it, and as often as he had done it that day ((four times, and it was only five in the afternoon)).
But now those two months and 21 days after the breakup are over and Ryo is telling Dee that it is over, everything is over. They have to stop, because he doesn't feel like doing this, he can't. But he is still spending the night, and when Dee and Ryo go to bed, they are both clad only in boxers and Ryo tugs Dee to him and puts his arm around Dee's hips and they begin to sleep. But before long, Dee rolls over and Ryo catches his hand as it searches for Ryo's own and holds it. This he does consciously, stroking it once again.
Because this is them, and this is okay. And Dee settles back to sleep again, comforted.
When Dee wakes up around three in the morning, Ryo's mouth is on his, kissing him firmly, mouth closed but still hungry, and his hand is on Dee's ass, groping steadily. Dee kisses back, and pushes himself closer to Ryo, and Ryo becomes fiercer. And then suddenly, Ryo's eyes open and he pulls away and his fingers stop the touching.
"What's going on?" He asks.
Dee blinks. "I... thought we were kissing?"
"Why were you kissing me?" Ryo's expression is not upset, but just slightly confused. Dee continues to stare at him. "I woke up and you were kissing me."
"... No. I woke up and you were kissing me. And you were rubbing my ass, and so I would say that even if I had started the kissing, which I didn't, the fact that you had your hand on my ass might imply that you wanted me to." Dee says. Ryo looks at him and then Dee reaches down and feels his erection, starts to rub. Ryo doesn't react, and this annoys Dee, so he tries to slide down so he can get his mouth around Ryo's cock.
"No. Stop. I don't want to." Ryo says. Dee ignores him and tries again, but Ryo covers his groin with his palm and wraps an arm around Dee's chest to keep him from getting further down. Dee comes back to Ryo and tries not to sigh. It really is over, then.
When he wakes up a few hours later, Ryo is trying to remember information from a case. He has been awake for a few minutes and is now wandering around with the case file in his hand. Dee tries to get Ryo to come back to bed, and grabs his boxers as he wanders nearby and tugs but Ryo wanders away.
"Ryo, come back to bed." Dee whines. Ryo ignores him yet again, and on a nearby pass to Dee, Dee grabs his boxers and tugs Ryo toward him but Ryo gravitates away. When he comes by once more, Dee yanks down rather than over, and Ryo's ass and penis are exposed. He continues to study, shuffling until he finds what he wants. Then he pulls up his boxers and rejoins Dee in the bed.
"We're strange." Dee says. Ryo agrees. It is strange, and most people who broke up with each other, and then had a form of breaking up again fairly soon after would not be able to do this, which is still like dating without the sex, and when will they ever be officially broken up, because it's not really over, and Dee doesn't understand.
But he falls back asleep for a few more hours once again, face to Ryo's chest.
It is New Years Eve, and that night, they are having a party at Ryo's house. Ryo has invited Dee, of course, and JJ, Drake, Ted, Janet, Rose ((out of politeness)), Diana, and Bikky and Carol are attending, although Ryo has told Bikky that there will be no alcohol consumption by anyone under twenty-one. He will perhaps give Bikky and Carol a small glass of wine if they ask nicely, but he doesn't want to give them anything besides that. It is only a small party, but before eight, Ryo, Dee, JJ, Drake, and Diana are completely drunk. Janet and Ted are taking their time, and Rose has only had one drink.
Dee realises that Ryo has taken off his shirt under the urgings of Diana. Rose is eyeing him, and Dee glares that Rose before taking off his own shirt and pants. Ryo stares, and slowly takes off his pants, as if he doesn't know what he's doing, his eyes on Dee. Somewhere along the line, JJ, Drake, Janet, and Diana all lose their shirts and pants, and finally Ted gives in. Bikky and Carol have retreated to a different room, having become frightened by the drunken adults stripping, although Bikky cast a longing glance at Diana as she removed her pants, until Carol smacked the back of his head and he followed after her. Rose has left, having given up on Ryo.
Dee knows in the morning, he is going to regret much of what happens tonight. For instance, he has already proclaimed himself to be a wonderful lover ((that he will not regret, but what he said next, he will)) and that Ryo has an amazing cock.
He has also announced that, as they play Taboo and he takes one of the extra blue pieces and puts it in his mouth, he is sucking on a man's piece.
These are only two of the horribly drunk things he has yelled. He has discussed in detail the taste of semen with Diana, and flashed everyone at least once his rear and front. He is going to wake up regretting this in the morning.
The time is only eleven and they still have an hour before the new year rolls in, so they decide to play Taboo. Dee has consumed about half a bottle of Long Island Iced Tea, and a bottle of vodka, along with a bottle of wine. Somehow, he is still the most sober person in the room. He does not understand this. Ryo has consumed perhaps half of what he has, and is perhaps the second most drunk person in the room. Diana has sobered up, as has JJ slightly, but Drake has decided JJ is the most wonderful partner and is waxing this to him quite beautifully.
Dee tugs Ryo aside. "So. Can I at least have a midnight kiss?" Ryo looks at him. "It doesn't have to be passionate, and it doesn't have to be in front of people. But I kind of would like one. I haven't had one ever."
"You're kidding." Ryo says softly. "Will wonders never cease... I would have expected you to have plenty, for being as proficient as you are as you are in dating."
Dee shrugged. "New Years kisses are only for someone special." And he walks away then, because Ryo does not want to give him one. He can see that plainly in Ryo's eyes.
It is less than forty minutes to the new year, and JJ and Drake are now on a couch, and JJ is kissing Drake. And Drake is kissing back. Dee watches this with amazement and amusement. Perhaps JJ will finally stop harassing him. It is most likely the alcohol talking. After all, he has kissed every person here except Rose. He gave Bikky a kiss on the head, in fact, and Carol one on the cheek. But he has not kissed Ryo. He is pretty sure the alcohol is the only reason that Ted and Drake let Dee kiss them, although the fact that Drake is now willingly submitting to JJ in a fairly passionate manner might say otherwise.
He looks at the TV. Nothing special is happening, just more reports on what's going on, talking, nothing he cares about. He is sobering up. He does not like this, not now. He grabs the rest of the bottle of Long Island Iced Tea. There is about a quarter of a bottle left. He tilts it to his mouth and begins to drink. Nobody else is drinking anymore. There is still some of the vodka left, and the wine. He finishes those off as well, and is quite happily drunk again very soon.
He watches Drake and JJ, still kissing, and decides that perhaps he should give up on Ryo. And then his common sense comes back and gives him a swift kick to the head and he decides that no, that is stupid because he and Ryo are meant for each other.
He looks at Ryo, whose head is turned away in such a manner, the angle too sharp, that Dee wonders if Ryo wasn't looking at him just moments before.
It is less than ten seconds to midnight when Ryo comes up behind Dee and turns him around. When everyone else is screaming a drunken cry of "Happy New Year!", Ryo is kissing Dee gently, and then whispering, "Happy New Year". But his eyes are still resistant to anything but friendship.
Dee watches him walk away and swipes at a momentary dampness to his eyes. He got what he wanted for midnight, but it seems he's lost what he really wanted for this year. His original resolution, made for the first time in seven years after he gave them up for being bullshit, was going to be to make Ryo as happy as he could.
He doesn't make a resolution, however, and it is eight years now. Resolutions are bullshit still. There is no alcohol left, and this is not something that pleases him. He doesn't drink like this often, where he knows he's abusing it for that night, but he doesn't really care for that night either.
He remembers a bottle of wine Ryo has stored in a cabinet. But he would never take that, because Ryo didn't want it to be used for the party. That is Ryo's wine, and Dee will not touch it. Even though he is drunk, he is somehow in perfect control of himself. He is walking without a wobble, and talking completely without slurring, and his mind is completely coherent.
Janet has gotten drunker, but Ted has sobered up enough to go get more alcohol. He has returned with two more bottles of wine, and a bottle of the Long Island Iced Tea for Dee, who has once again sobered up quite more than he wants. He is still buzzed, but not drunk. It is two in the morning.
For a while longer, he drinks, and he continues to play games with them, although now it is mostly them just being exhausted and watching TV and not really paying attention to the games. JJ and Drake are mostly the last people drunk and are still kissing. Dee cannot wait to see what happens in the morning.
When the party ends at four, when they all start to fall asleep, Dee has finished off the entire bottle of booze that Ted bought for him.
He wakes up at eight, next to Ryo, who has an arm over his hips as usual, and Ryo blinks groggily as Dee tries to get up. Dee is still either buzzed or drunk, he can tell that. He is surprisingly not hungover. He goes to Ryo's kitchen and begins to make coffee. Ryo comes out a minute later, and they sit there in silence for a while as they drink coffee. Ryo is not hungover, but he has a headache from sleeping on the floor.
Every few minutes, Dee will pause to say, "Did I really..." and then continue on with one scandalous thing after another. Ryo laughs a little and nods each time. By ten, everyone is up and gone, and they clean up the apartment, which is trashed. Dee grabs Ryo while he has a chance and pulls him close. He presses his forehead to Ryo's and whispers, "I'm sorry for last night."
Ryo shakes his head and gives Dee a small smile. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. Hell, I was the first person to remove any article of clothing."
Dee laughs and he and Ryo finish cleaning. They go back upstairs and get breakfast, doughnuts, and eat them before realising that alcohol plus fatty fried dough covered in glazed sugar is a very bad idea indeed. Dee manages to stop himself from vomiting and instead, they go to Ryo's bed and lie down and talk.
They are still tired, and Dee curls up against Ryo, facing him. This is the third night in a row that he has done this, and Ryo begins to stroke his hair gently. Dee slowly passes his hand over Ryo's stomach to his crotch, and touches his dick through the fabric of his boxers. He is erect, and Dee slides his hand inside and squeezes. He is entraced by the velvety feel, the vein that he can run his thumb along, and the pulse that lightly rushes through Ryo's cock in a steady rhythm. It is all something he has felt many times before, with Ryo and with others, but with Ryo, every time is entrancing.
He doesn't try to get Ryo off, although he asks and Ryo once again refuses. But he keeps his hand there, and Ryo doesn't mind, and when Dee questions why Ryo isn't going soft after a few minutes, Ryo chuckles. "I have a hand on my dick. I'm a guy. What do you expect?"
Dee nods and begins to fall asleep, his hand still lightly squeezing and rubbing and himself just being comforted by Ryo's penis in his palm, in a completely platonic situation, somehow. It is very hard to explain.
A few days pass, and then Ryo begins to restrict even further on the limitations. "I don't think we should do the whole hand on penis thing," he says, because Dee is doing it again as he curls up with Ryo in bed. Even though it is not time to sleep, they are there. They were often there when they were dating, for sex, or for a movie or talking or whichever.
Dee sits up and looks at Ryo. "Stop this." He says quietly. "Stop lying."
"I'm not lying." Ryo says, sounding not angry but not entirely calm about the situation either.
Dee shakes his head. "Yes, you are. You're going to tell me to stop touching you, which is understandable, and then you'll tell me to stop kissing you," because the kisses haven't stopped. They are on the cheek or forehead but never on the mouth anymore, except once or twice out of a gentle apologizing from Ryo's part, which made it hurt just a little bit worse, honestly. "You'll tell me that we can't sleep in the same bed, and then we won't be us anymore. We won't be us, and this is us. This," and he slowly strokes once along Ryo's half-erection.
"This is us," he continues, "and it's maybe awkward considering our status, but it's us and that awkwardness is us in a way, and so it's really perfect, and you know it is. And I honestly don't think you want to not be an item, if you'd think about it. I think we could make it work, if you just tried. Because the confusion is just you and your worry about what people might think, and your stress is work, but I'm here to help you through that, and stress from the confusion, but I'll be there for you too, and everything that might be wrong, I'll do my best to right it."
Ryo listens to him, but shakes his head. "No." He states. Dee removes his hand from inside Ryo's boxers.
It is a week later. Dee and Ryo have been hanging out. Ryo has not restricted any further. The sleeping arrangements are still how they were, but there is no touching of any kind except to cuddle.
Right now, Dee is playing games on a used PS2 that Mother and everyone at the church managed to chip in and buy for him. Ryo is drinking expensive, strong coffee out of his new mug he got for Christmas and reading the paper. There is snow coming down outside. It is ten in the morning. Dee is still in his boxers, while Ryo has added a shirt to the ensemble. After a while, Ryo comes with his paper to the chair and sits down behind Dee on the chair that Dee is sitting in front of. The controllers are stretched too far if he sits there.
Dee pauses as Ryo begins to read his game again, and saves the game. He leans back and starts to rub Ryo's feet, and Ryo wiggles his toes appreciately. A moment later, Dee feels the paper descending onto his head. "What are you doing?"
Ryo shrugs. "Dunno. Just seemed like it would be funny."
Dee laughs. "It is, actually. I was just wondering why you're using my head as a table."
Ryo pats his shoulder. "Because it's us."
It is not two months and 21 days later. It is only three days past the last time that Ryo had spent the night, when he'd placed the paper on Dee's head. But they are in bed, and Ryo is erect, and he reaches over and takes Dee's hand and puts it to his cock, and Dee touches it, rubs it slowly, but not with an attempt to get Ryo off. But Ryo arches forward and turns to kiss Dee.
"Ryo..." Dee says. He doesn't want to just be fuck buddies. He wants Ryo completely. He's not sure he won't take what he can get.
But then Ryo saves him. "You're right. It wasn't us, what I was doing. This was us. When we're us, we're dating, as much as it's hard to admit. We never really broke up until the first of the year, and even that was iffy. Whether I'd admit it or not, I think we've still been dating all along."
Dee laughs in shock. "It took you this long?" Ryo gives him a look and he shuts up. "So."
"So, I guess what I'm saying is that I'll do my best to get through my stress and confusion and fears and date you. That's what I really want, even if I wasn't willing to admit it for a while." Ryo leans forward to kiss him nervously for all of two seconds until Dee has captured his mouth in a fierce, hot kiss.
"So that makes it about five months worth of anniversaries that we've missed since we couldn't admit we were still dating?" Dee asks when he pulls away. "Because I have plenty of gifts to buy and plenty of blowjobs to give to you to make up for them."
Ryo sighs and tugs at Dee's hair. "You don't have to." But it is a futile statement. Dee is going to, and Ryo honestly doesn't mind all that much. Maybe the gifts, if Dee is spending too much money on him, but definitely not the blowjobs.
And at that moment, Dee is starting one of many that he will give, sliding down under the covers and pulling at Ryo's boxers.
Two months and 21 days later, Dee is sleeping with his back to Ryo. He rolls over, and his face presses to Ryo's chest. Lately, he sleeps facing Ryo, with Ryo facing him in return and his arms around Dee. It is only when Ryo sleeps on his back and Dee is on his other side that Dee needs comfort and does not recieve it. There has not been a day in which this has happened yet.
Dee does not expect there will be. He decided when they got back together that first night that he would make a late New Years resolution. He was going to do his best to be him, and Ryo would be Ryo, and they would be them, and it would be perfect.
He decided in two months and 21 days, he would see how it is going.
It is going perfectly.
Author: Sonata Night
Rating: R
Pairing: Dee/Ryo
Summary: A series of two months and twenty one days, in which Ryo and Dee break up over time.
Notes: For Michelle. Sorry this took so long, sweetie, and I know your birthday was a while ago. My muses are really hard to prompt lately, however. Plenty of angst, but a happy ending nonetheless.
Disclaimer: Fish are friends, not food - Erhm, I mean, all of this is purely from my imagination.
Archive: If you think it's good enough, drop me a line at jiradamister@gmail.com and archive away.
"We can't do this anymore."
The words are painful to Dee's ears. The day is December 31st. Time, approximately 1:33 A.M. It is also hard for him to deal with because exactly two months and 21 days after he and Ryo had first decided to become an item, Ryo had decided that being an item was not what he wanted. It was too much stress and confusion. And it is now approximately two months and 21 days later, ironically, since that had happened.
What had happened in that three months and 21 days since they broke up was a confusing thing. They avoided each other out of the station for a grand total of two days. And then Ryo came over that third day, and it was them, and Ryo put his arms around Dee and hugged him, and said that he was sorry. Dee held him, and they both cried a little bit, because it was okay, they understood that it wasn't being weak but being strong, and Ryo told Dee that he'd never known anyone quite like him and he didn't think anyone would ever know him quite like Dee knew Ryo.
And Dee said that he loved Ryo completely, with all his heart. Ryo said he loved Dee too, and Dee whispered that maybe they loved each other in a way that was so perfect and true that it couldn't be described. Ryo concurred that it might well be that way, but it wasn't the way that it had been before, and Dee nodded.
Ryo found himself curled up, asleep, in Dee's arms before the end of the night, however.
When he woke up the next day, Dee was curled up in his arms. For as dominating as Dee was, he was the one who liked to be held at night when they went to bed. It had become a nightly ritual. After they'd made love, Ryo would wrap an arm around Dee's waist as Dee pressed his back to Ryo's chest, and turned his head back to kiss Ryo goodnight, his fingers finding Ryo's and squeezing, stroking gently. Most of the time, Ryo's cock was semi-hard again before they fell asleep, and one night, Dee had confessed his pleasure of having that half-hard cock pressed up along the crack of his ass. Ever since then, Ryo had taken care to do that.
So Ryo had woken up with Dee in his arms, but Dee was turned to face him, his arm wrapped around Ryo's stomach and face tucked against Ryo's neck. Dee only slept facing Ryo when he was lonely and needed comfort. Although he and Ryo had done plenty of cuddling and kissing in that position, when it came to sleeping, Dee enjoyed having Ryo tucked up against him, side by side. When Dee slept facing Ryo, Ryo usually lay on his back.
He could feel Dee's morning erection, not quite fully formed, pushing into his thigh lightly. His own erection was slightly more persistant but his own subsided after time. Dee's didn't. Dee woke up, yawned at Ryo, and announced he was off to shower and take care of that erection, except he used slightly more lecherous words.
When Ryo decided to stay again that night, after spending his day off with Dee being moronic and getting something to eat, and then coming back and watching TV all day, he and Dee head for the bedroom, and Dee yawned, tugged off his pants and top, and settled into bed. Ryo looked at him and Dee waited, returning the look expectantly. Ryo finally took off his pants and shirt, and got into the bed. He curled up against Dee again, and then Dee was pushing back against him, and getting cozy, but that back-thrust and friction had caused Ryo's dick to harden and Dee noticed. He reached behind to put a hard on Ryo's erection, thumb over the head clad in boxers, and run his fingers along it.
Ryo tried to ignore it but he couldn't, and then he pushed forward slightly to Dee's hand, to the warmth that it brought. Dee turned over to face him and looked at him, intense green eyes hot and wanton, and Ryo's eyes fluttered, or so Dee told him with a smirk, as Dee repeated what he'd just done with his hand moments before. Dee paused, thumbed the head, and yet again smiled at Ryo's eyelash flutter.
"How much do you want me to stop?" Dee asked, and Ryo made a tiny noise in his throat as Dee stroked harder. "On a scale of one to ten."
"About a three." Ryo panted out, and Dee slid down, tugged at his boxers, and let Ryo's cock spring free of the material.
"How much do you want my mouth around your cock right now?" Dee's tone had dropped into something seductive and Ryo's need only deepened.
"Eight."
And then Dee's mouth was around Ryo's cock, and he was thrusting up into it, while Dee did magic with his mouth, because Dee was so fucking good at blowjobs that Ryo almost preferred them to sex. When he came, Dee swallowed and came up to Ryo, and Ryo looked at him. Dee's eyes were peering at him curiously, and Ryo leaned over carefully and kissed Dee, lightly, gently. "Thank you." He whispered.
Dee nodded. "You're welcome." They didn't talk about it, and when they woke up the next morning, Dee once again slid down as Ryo woke up and began that magic with his mouth. This time, Ryo had returned the favor, although Dee wouldn't let him at first, and restricted it only to a handjob.
It had continued like that for the two months and 21 days, sex and handjobs and blowjobs, and it had been exactly like when they were dating but there was no official title of it, and when Dee said to Ryo, "We're 'dating', but we're not dating,", Ryo had looked at him and shrugged. Dee had let it pass and then gone back to sucking Ryo's dick, which was possibly his favorite thing to do, for as often as he did it, and as often as he had done it that day ((four times, and it was only five in the afternoon)).
But now those two months and 21 days after the breakup are over and Ryo is telling Dee that it is over, everything is over. They have to stop, because he doesn't feel like doing this, he can't. But he is still spending the night, and when Dee and Ryo go to bed, they are both clad only in boxers and Ryo tugs Dee to him and puts his arm around Dee's hips and they begin to sleep. But before long, Dee rolls over and Ryo catches his hand as it searches for Ryo's own and holds it. This he does consciously, stroking it once again.
Because this is them, and this is okay. And Dee settles back to sleep again, comforted.
When Dee wakes up around three in the morning, Ryo's mouth is on his, kissing him firmly, mouth closed but still hungry, and his hand is on Dee's ass, groping steadily. Dee kisses back, and pushes himself closer to Ryo, and Ryo becomes fiercer. And then suddenly, Ryo's eyes open and he pulls away and his fingers stop the touching.
"What's going on?" He asks.
Dee blinks. "I... thought we were kissing?"
"Why were you kissing me?" Ryo's expression is not upset, but just slightly confused. Dee continues to stare at him. "I woke up and you were kissing me."
"... No. I woke up and you were kissing me. And you were rubbing my ass, and so I would say that even if I had started the kissing, which I didn't, the fact that you had your hand on my ass might imply that you wanted me to." Dee says. Ryo looks at him and then Dee reaches down and feels his erection, starts to rub. Ryo doesn't react, and this annoys Dee, so he tries to slide down so he can get his mouth around Ryo's cock.
"No. Stop. I don't want to." Ryo says. Dee ignores him and tries again, but Ryo covers his groin with his palm and wraps an arm around Dee's chest to keep him from getting further down. Dee comes back to Ryo and tries not to sigh. It really is over, then.
When he wakes up a few hours later, Ryo is trying to remember information from a case. He has been awake for a few minutes and is now wandering around with the case file in his hand. Dee tries to get Ryo to come back to bed, and grabs his boxers as he wanders nearby and tugs but Ryo wanders away.
"Ryo, come back to bed." Dee whines. Ryo ignores him yet again, and on a nearby pass to Dee, Dee grabs his boxers and tugs Ryo toward him but Ryo gravitates away. When he comes by once more, Dee yanks down rather than over, and Ryo's ass and penis are exposed. He continues to study, shuffling until he finds what he wants. Then he pulls up his boxers and rejoins Dee in the bed.
"We're strange." Dee says. Ryo agrees. It is strange, and most people who broke up with each other, and then had a form of breaking up again fairly soon after would not be able to do this, which is still like dating without the sex, and when will they ever be officially broken up, because it's not really over, and Dee doesn't understand.
But he falls back asleep for a few more hours once again, face to Ryo's chest.
It is New Years Eve, and that night, they are having a party at Ryo's house. Ryo has invited Dee, of course, and JJ, Drake, Ted, Janet, Rose ((out of politeness)), Diana, and Bikky and Carol are attending, although Ryo has told Bikky that there will be no alcohol consumption by anyone under twenty-one. He will perhaps give Bikky and Carol a small glass of wine if they ask nicely, but he doesn't want to give them anything besides that. It is only a small party, but before eight, Ryo, Dee, JJ, Drake, and Diana are completely drunk. Janet and Ted are taking their time, and Rose has only had one drink.
Dee realises that Ryo has taken off his shirt under the urgings of Diana. Rose is eyeing him, and Dee glares that Rose before taking off his own shirt and pants. Ryo stares, and slowly takes off his pants, as if he doesn't know what he's doing, his eyes on Dee. Somewhere along the line, JJ, Drake, Janet, and Diana all lose their shirts and pants, and finally Ted gives in. Bikky and Carol have retreated to a different room, having become frightened by the drunken adults stripping, although Bikky cast a longing glance at Diana as she removed her pants, until Carol smacked the back of his head and he followed after her. Rose has left, having given up on Ryo.
Dee knows in the morning, he is going to regret much of what happens tonight. For instance, he has already proclaimed himself to be a wonderful lover ((that he will not regret, but what he said next, he will)) and that Ryo has an amazing cock.
He has also announced that, as they play Taboo and he takes one of the extra blue pieces and puts it in his mouth, he is sucking on a man's piece.
These are only two of the horribly drunk things he has yelled. He has discussed in detail the taste of semen with Diana, and flashed everyone at least once his rear and front. He is going to wake up regretting this in the morning.
The time is only eleven and they still have an hour before the new year rolls in, so they decide to play Taboo. Dee has consumed about half a bottle of Long Island Iced Tea, and a bottle of vodka, along with a bottle of wine. Somehow, he is still the most sober person in the room. He does not understand this. Ryo has consumed perhaps half of what he has, and is perhaps the second most drunk person in the room. Diana has sobered up, as has JJ slightly, but Drake has decided JJ is the most wonderful partner and is waxing this to him quite beautifully.
Dee tugs Ryo aside. "So. Can I at least have a midnight kiss?" Ryo looks at him. "It doesn't have to be passionate, and it doesn't have to be in front of people. But I kind of would like one. I haven't had one ever."
"You're kidding." Ryo says softly. "Will wonders never cease... I would have expected you to have plenty, for being as proficient as you are as you are in dating."
Dee shrugged. "New Years kisses are only for someone special." And he walks away then, because Ryo does not want to give him one. He can see that plainly in Ryo's eyes.
It is less than forty minutes to the new year, and JJ and Drake are now on a couch, and JJ is kissing Drake. And Drake is kissing back. Dee watches this with amazement and amusement. Perhaps JJ will finally stop harassing him. It is most likely the alcohol talking. After all, he has kissed every person here except Rose. He gave Bikky a kiss on the head, in fact, and Carol one on the cheek. But he has not kissed Ryo. He is pretty sure the alcohol is the only reason that Ted and Drake let Dee kiss them, although the fact that Drake is now willingly submitting to JJ in a fairly passionate manner might say otherwise.
He looks at the TV. Nothing special is happening, just more reports on what's going on, talking, nothing he cares about. He is sobering up. He does not like this, not now. He grabs the rest of the bottle of Long Island Iced Tea. There is about a quarter of a bottle left. He tilts it to his mouth and begins to drink. Nobody else is drinking anymore. There is still some of the vodka left, and the wine. He finishes those off as well, and is quite happily drunk again very soon.
He watches Drake and JJ, still kissing, and decides that perhaps he should give up on Ryo. And then his common sense comes back and gives him a swift kick to the head and he decides that no, that is stupid because he and Ryo are meant for each other.
He looks at Ryo, whose head is turned away in such a manner, the angle too sharp, that Dee wonders if Ryo wasn't looking at him just moments before.
It is less than ten seconds to midnight when Ryo comes up behind Dee and turns him around. When everyone else is screaming a drunken cry of "Happy New Year!", Ryo is kissing Dee gently, and then whispering, "Happy New Year". But his eyes are still resistant to anything but friendship.
Dee watches him walk away and swipes at a momentary dampness to his eyes. He got what he wanted for midnight, but it seems he's lost what he really wanted for this year. His original resolution, made for the first time in seven years after he gave them up for being bullshit, was going to be to make Ryo as happy as he could.
He doesn't make a resolution, however, and it is eight years now. Resolutions are bullshit still. There is no alcohol left, and this is not something that pleases him. He doesn't drink like this often, where he knows he's abusing it for that night, but he doesn't really care for that night either.
He remembers a bottle of wine Ryo has stored in a cabinet. But he would never take that, because Ryo didn't want it to be used for the party. That is Ryo's wine, and Dee will not touch it. Even though he is drunk, he is somehow in perfect control of himself. He is walking without a wobble, and talking completely without slurring, and his mind is completely coherent.
Janet has gotten drunker, but Ted has sobered up enough to go get more alcohol. He has returned with two more bottles of wine, and a bottle of the Long Island Iced Tea for Dee, who has once again sobered up quite more than he wants. He is still buzzed, but not drunk. It is two in the morning.
For a while longer, he drinks, and he continues to play games with them, although now it is mostly them just being exhausted and watching TV and not really paying attention to the games. JJ and Drake are mostly the last people drunk and are still kissing. Dee cannot wait to see what happens in the morning.
When the party ends at four, when they all start to fall asleep, Dee has finished off the entire bottle of booze that Ted bought for him.
He wakes up at eight, next to Ryo, who has an arm over his hips as usual, and Ryo blinks groggily as Dee tries to get up. Dee is still either buzzed or drunk, he can tell that. He is surprisingly not hungover. He goes to Ryo's kitchen and begins to make coffee. Ryo comes out a minute later, and they sit there in silence for a while as they drink coffee. Ryo is not hungover, but he has a headache from sleeping on the floor.
Every few minutes, Dee will pause to say, "Did I really..." and then continue on with one scandalous thing after another. Ryo laughs a little and nods each time. By ten, everyone is up and gone, and they clean up the apartment, which is trashed. Dee grabs Ryo while he has a chance and pulls him close. He presses his forehead to Ryo's and whispers, "I'm sorry for last night."
Ryo shakes his head and gives Dee a small smile. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. Hell, I was the first person to remove any article of clothing."
Dee laughs and he and Ryo finish cleaning. They go back upstairs and get breakfast, doughnuts, and eat them before realising that alcohol plus fatty fried dough covered in glazed sugar is a very bad idea indeed. Dee manages to stop himself from vomiting and instead, they go to Ryo's bed and lie down and talk.
They are still tired, and Dee curls up against Ryo, facing him. This is the third night in a row that he has done this, and Ryo begins to stroke his hair gently. Dee slowly passes his hand over Ryo's stomach to his crotch, and touches his dick through the fabric of his boxers. He is erect, and Dee slides his hand inside and squeezes. He is entraced by the velvety feel, the vein that he can run his thumb along, and the pulse that lightly rushes through Ryo's cock in a steady rhythm. It is all something he has felt many times before, with Ryo and with others, but with Ryo, every time is entrancing.
He doesn't try to get Ryo off, although he asks and Ryo once again refuses. But he keeps his hand there, and Ryo doesn't mind, and when Dee questions why Ryo isn't going soft after a few minutes, Ryo chuckles. "I have a hand on my dick. I'm a guy. What do you expect?"
Dee nods and begins to fall asleep, his hand still lightly squeezing and rubbing and himself just being comforted by Ryo's penis in his palm, in a completely platonic situation, somehow. It is very hard to explain.
A few days pass, and then Ryo begins to restrict even further on the limitations. "I don't think we should do the whole hand on penis thing," he says, because Dee is doing it again as he curls up with Ryo in bed. Even though it is not time to sleep, they are there. They were often there when they were dating, for sex, or for a movie or talking or whichever.
Dee sits up and looks at Ryo. "Stop this." He says quietly. "Stop lying."
"I'm not lying." Ryo says, sounding not angry but not entirely calm about the situation either.
Dee shakes his head. "Yes, you are. You're going to tell me to stop touching you, which is understandable, and then you'll tell me to stop kissing you," because the kisses haven't stopped. They are on the cheek or forehead but never on the mouth anymore, except once or twice out of a gentle apologizing from Ryo's part, which made it hurt just a little bit worse, honestly. "You'll tell me that we can't sleep in the same bed, and then we won't be us anymore. We won't be us, and this is us. This," and he slowly strokes once along Ryo's half-erection.
"This is us," he continues, "and it's maybe awkward considering our status, but it's us and that awkwardness is us in a way, and so it's really perfect, and you know it is. And I honestly don't think you want to not be an item, if you'd think about it. I think we could make it work, if you just tried. Because the confusion is just you and your worry about what people might think, and your stress is work, but I'm here to help you through that, and stress from the confusion, but I'll be there for you too, and everything that might be wrong, I'll do my best to right it."
Ryo listens to him, but shakes his head. "No." He states. Dee removes his hand from inside Ryo's boxers.
It is a week later. Dee and Ryo have been hanging out. Ryo has not restricted any further. The sleeping arrangements are still how they were, but there is no touching of any kind except to cuddle.
Right now, Dee is playing games on a used PS2 that Mother and everyone at the church managed to chip in and buy for him. Ryo is drinking expensive, strong coffee out of his new mug he got for Christmas and reading the paper. There is snow coming down outside. It is ten in the morning. Dee is still in his boxers, while Ryo has added a shirt to the ensemble. After a while, Ryo comes with his paper to the chair and sits down behind Dee on the chair that Dee is sitting in front of. The controllers are stretched too far if he sits there.
Dee pauses as Ryo begins to read his game again, and saves the game. He leans back and starts to rub Ryo's feet, and Ryo wiggles his toes appreciately. A moment later, Dee feels the paper descending onto his head. "What are you doing?"
Ryo shrugs. "Dunno. Just seemed like it would be funny."
Dee laughs. "It is, actually. I was just wondering why you're using my head as a table."
Ryo pats his shoulder. "Because it's us."
It is not two months and 21 days later. It is only three days past the last time that Ryo had spent the night, when he'd placed the paper on Dee's head. But they are in bed, and Ryo is erect, and he reaches over and takes Dee's hand and puts it to his cock, and Dee touches it, rubs it slowly, but not with an attempt to get Ryo off. But Ryo arches forward and turns to kiss Dee.
"Ryo..." Dee says. He doesn't want to just be fuck buddies. He wants Ryo completely. He's not sure he won't take what he can get.
But then Ryo saves him. "You're right. It wasn't us, what I was doing. This was us. When we're us, we're dating, as much as it's hard to admit. We never really broke up until the first of the year, and even that was iffy. Whether I'd admit it or not, I think we've still been dating all along."
Dee laughs in shock. "It took you this long?" Ryo gives him a look and he shuts up. "So."
"So, I guess what I'm saying is that I'll do my best to get through my stress and confusion and fears and date you. That's what I really want, even if I wasn't willing to admit it for a while." Ryo leans forward to kiss him nervously for all of two seconds until Dee has captured his mouth in a fierce, hot kiss.
"So that makes it about five months worth of anniversaries that we've missed since we couldn't admit we were still dating?" Dee asks when he pulls away. "Because I have plenty of gifts to buy and plenty of blowjobs to give to you to make up for them."
Ryo sighs and tugs at Dee's hair. "You don't have to." But it is a futile statement. Dee is going to, and Ryo honestly doesn't mind all that much. Maybe the gifts, if Dee is spending too much money on him, but definitely not the blowjobs.
And at that moment, Dee is starting one of many that he will give, sliding down under the covers and pulling at Ryo's boxers.
Two months and 21 days later, Dee is sleeping with his back to Ryo. He rolls over, and his face presses to Ryo's chest. Lately, he sleeps facing Ryo, with Ryo facing him in return and his arms around Dee. It is only when Ryo sleeps on his back and Dee is on his other side that Dee needs comfort and does not recieve it. There has not been a day in which this has happened yet.
Dee does not expect there will be. He decided when they got back together that first night that he would make a late New Years resolution. He was going to do his best to be him, and Ryo would be Ryo, and they would be them, and it would be perfect.
He decided in two months and 21 days, he would see how it is going.
It is going perfectly.
